


don't trust the d--- in apartment 23

by carpesoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 22:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8641396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpesoo/pseuds/carpesoo
Summary: sehun may not be able to do much with two broken legs, but he can still flip the bird at his noisy neighbor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **warnings:** sehun bound to a wheelchair; kyungsoo's utter lack of tact
> 
> originally written for [](http://astrongbreeze.livejournal.com/profile)[astrongbreeze](http://astrongbreeze.livejournal.com/).

 

 

  
  
  
Sehun stares at the ceiling, just as he’s been doing for the past three hours. He’s been forced to spend most of the day—and night—in the confines of his own bed, with not much to do. There’s only so much anime he can binge watch before he loses himself in a sea of busty bouncing bosoms.  
  
Sehun has been bedridden this past week on account of his two broken legs. Yes, that’s right; _both_ of his legs are broken, courtesy of his best friend, Kim Jongin, a.k.a. the guy who ran him over. Jongin had claimed that he had a momentary “brain fart” and mistook the accelerator pedal for the brakes and had accidentally gunned it down the driveway. Sehun can still remember the horrifying sound of his bones shattering as he was mowed down, rolling off the hood of his own car before hitting the ground.  
  
After being discharged from the hospital, Sehun finds himself stuck at home, both legs bound in hardened white plaster casts spanning from his toes all the way up to just below his knees. Immobile and not much of a cook to begin with, Sehun’s already unhealthy lifestyle has been cranked up several (hundred) notches by eating instant cup noodle after cup noodle and pretty much just hating his miserable life. It’s not surprising then, that Sehun is perpetually in a foul mood, with every little thing pissing him off. He likes to think he’s been doing a somewhat decent job of holding back expressing said rage. His circle of friends—Jongin included—had visited him the day after he returned home, fussing and talking about him as if he weren’t there. He’s not opposed to being spoiled every now and then, but Chanyeol insisting on spoon feeding Sehun his cereal was far too much to handle. Especially since most of the milk ended on Sehun’s shirt and nowhere near his mouth.  
  
Knowing that they only meant well didn’t stop a stream of profanities spilling from Sehun’s lips. A colorful repertoire he hadn’t even been aware of possessing. The room fell silent in an instant, awkward glances shot at one another before his friends mumbled excuses to leave shortly thereafter. He’s not seen a familiar face since then, his friends opting to check in on him via Whatsapp instead. Sehun leaves the messages unanswered and spends his waking hours moping around and feeling sorry for himself. Pity party for one, please.  
  
It goes from bad to even worse by Day Five. Already highly irritated at the itch that won’t go away and is _impossible_ to scratch—he’s tried using a spoon, fork, chopstick and pretty much any utensil slim enough to slide inside his casts—he has to endure a racket emanating from the other side of his living room wall and threatening to permanently damage his eardrums.  
  
He hadn’t even been aware that he _had_ a neighbor. The last he knew, Apartment 23 had been unoccupied for the past several months, and the landlord was still searching for a new tenant. And as luck would have it, Sehun not only has to deal with two broken legs and wheeling around his apartment trying not to break anything, he now has a noisy new neighbor to boot. It’s like they always say—when it rains, it fucking _pours_.  
  
Sehun doesn’t know what the offensive sound is, all he knows is that he’d much rather listen to his drunken friends try to sing—more like caterwaul—90’s classics on Karaoke Night at their local bar. His friends were not made for the entertainment industry to say the very least; Sehun has a better chance of becoming a mega famous international star with over seven million followers on Instagram before any one of them could manage to sell a single record.  
  
Ten minutes pass and the relentlessly shrill and blaring sound has Sehun clenching all the muscles in his body so hard, he doesn’t think he’ll need to use the bathroom for at least a week. Not wanting to be _that_ neighbor, the one who runs to the landlord to complain about every little issue or grievance, Sehun closes his eyes and takes deep steady breaths. It doesn't take long for his patience to wear thin and for his breathing to become rapid and shallow.  
  
Three hours and one ineffectual makeshift pillow ear muffler thrown across the room,later, Sehun finally gives in and dials the landlord's number to report the noise disturbance. When peace and quiet returns within five minutes of the complaint, Sehun pats himself on the back for making the right decision—sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.  
  
Day Seven has Sehun wanting to climb the walls (if he could actually use his legs). Imprisoned in his apartment for a week with no one to keep him company since his so-called friends had ruthlessly abandoned him, Sehun had resorted to propositioning delivery boys to keep him company with the promise of an extra large tip. It had backfired, resulting in misunderstandings and accusations of solicitation. Another life lesson learned. Still, Sehun could have it worse. At least his new neighbor has kept the noise to a bare minimum during the past couple of days.  
  
Sehun speaks too soon. On the morning of Day Twelve—a Saturday—Sehun is rudely awakened by the sounds of deep grunting and groaning. Fearing he's being robbed, Sehun climbs into his wheelchair—rolling off his bed and hitting his head on the corner of his nightstand in the process—bursts through the entrance of his lounge wielding one of his crutches like a katana. “I have a weapon and I'm not afraid to use it!” he shouts to an empty room.  
  
Once he’s less disorientated, Sehun realizes that the sound is coming from the apartment adjacent to his. Losing his temper, Sehun hurls the crutch at the wall, the metal staff hitting with a loud thud before clattering to the floor. The carnal moans pause for a moment and Sehun is about to smile smugly at his small victory as he rolls over to pick up the crutch when he hears a pounding on the wall followed by a muffled voice, “Do you mind? Keep it down!”  
  
It's official: the person living in Apartment 23 is a dick.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sehun finally meets his new dick of a neighbor two weeks later. His landlord had been considerate enough to collect his mail from the lobby on his behalf. Unfortunately, however, one of Dick in Apartment 23's letters mistakenly had been delivered into his mailbox. Not wanting to make the inconvenient trip to the elevator when he could just wheel himself next door, Sehun opts for the latter.  
  
He knocks three times and waits for Dick in Apartment 23 to answer. Sehun had glanced at his neighbor’s name when going through his mail but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what is what, opting instead to refer to the guy (in his head) by the aptly fitting nickname.  
  
The door opens and an unfamiliar face emerges. “Oh, you’re not the pizza guy.”  
  
“What gave me away? The wheelchair or the casts?” Sehun deadpans as he discreetly checks out his new neighbor, eyeing him from head to toe. Dick in Apartment 23 is nothing at all like he was expecting. For one thing, he's really, really, _really_ attractive and Sehun’s a little taken aback by the discovery. He’s not sure what he had been expecting, but _attraction_ hadn’t been on the list. The man appears to be around the same age as Sehun—early twenties. He’s shorter than Sehun, and nowhere near as broad, but despite the small frame, Sehun wouldn't describe the man as scrawny.  
  
“So how can I help you… Wheels?” Dick in Apartment 23 asks, his thick eyebrow arched and his even fuller lips curved into a smirk.  
  
“Wheels?” Sehun asks, shocked by the lack of tact displayed by his neighbor. Sehun’s even more surprised that he finds his straightforwardness rather refreshing, not that he’d admit it or anything; there’s already an arrogant, smug look on Dick in Apartment 23’s face and Sehun isn’t going to inflate the man’s ego any more than it already is. “The name is Oh Sehun and I have something for you,” he says, pointing to the letter that’s currently located on his lap.  
  
“You’re here to give me your crotch?” The man appears completely unfazed by the implication.  
  
“No! I mean the letter! It was delivered to me by mistake, I live next door.” Sehun catches Dick in Apartment 23’s name again as he quickly reads the information in the window of the envelope before handing it over. Ah, yes, that’s it—Mr. Do Kyungsoo.  
  
“Oh, right. That’s a shame, but thanks!” The man takes the mail from Sehun and turns on his heel, walking back into his apartment and leaving the front door wide open.  
  
Sehun stares blankly into ~~Dick in Apartment 23~~ Kyungsoo’s apartment. “Uh, okay, I’m going to go now,” Sehun shouts from the corridor, hands clutching the push rings of his wheelchair.  
  
“Come in,” Sehun thinks he hears Kyungsoo say.  
  
“Excuse me?” Sehun calls out, still lingering by the entrance to his neighbor’s home.  
  
“What, did you break your ears as well as your legs?” Kyungsoo appears by the door once again, and he waves his hand, gesturing for Sehun to enter. “Come in, we can split the pizza. Once it arrives, that is. My treat as a way to say thanks for delivering my mail. Unless you’re the mailman, in which case you’re just doing your job, but hey, it’s a bang up job you’re doing so you deserve to be rewarded. All the pizza for you.”  
  
“Uh, no. Just a neighbor, not a mailman,” Sehun says, wheeling himself into Kyungsoo’s apartment. Sehun’s never been inside of Apartment 23 before, his former neighbor never having invited Sehun round, and Sehun never having imposed himself on the guy.  
  
The interior layout is much like his own apartment, it’s the same size and has the same basic decor—the walls painted a soft eggshell, hardwood flooring, and natural light seeping in from the windows on the far side of the room. The place is tidy, much to Sehun’s surprise. He had expected his noisy neighbor to be a slob, as if the two characteristics went hand in hand. There’s a bookshelf, filled to the brim with an admirable film collection, and a pretty impressive entertainment unit, the TV monitor having to be at least 60 inches. The apartment seems so impersonal, with no photos of family and friends decorating any surfaces, no art hanging on the walls, and no knickknacks in view, but Sehun supposes Kyungsoo has only just moved in.  
  
“I keep the good stuff in a safety deposit bank, there’s nothing of value here,” his neighbor says, capturing Sehun’s attention.  
  
“Excuse me?” Sehun turns to face Kyungsoo, not quite sure of the insinuation behind his statement.  
  
“You looked like you were casing the joint,” Kyungsoo explains. His cool, calm, and collected exterior is unnerving, considering he’s just accused Sehun of potentially ransacking his home.  
  
Sehun’s reaction is the complete opposite. He feels the blood rushing to his face, horror washing over him. Did Kyungsoo really suspect that Sehun was a criminal, that he was going to break into the apartment and rob him? “No! I would never! I was just looking, it’s the first time I’ve been here and I was just comparing it to my own place.”  
  
“Relax, I was just kidding. Gosh, you should take a seat and chill out a bit.” Kyungsoo says as he sinks down into his couch, taking another glance at Sehun. “Oh, wait. You’re _already_ sitting down, my bad.”  
  
Kyungsoo really is the Ambassador of Tactless and Inappropriate Jokes. Sehun offers a wry smile in response, not wanting to escalate the rising tension between the two, at least that’s what Sehun’s feeling on his end. He doesn’t have a grip on his own emotions and opinion about his new neighbor. Sehun doesn’t know if he likes the brusque nature, does he find it refreshing, or just plain offensive?  
  
“So what happened?” Kyungsoo points to the casts on Sehun’s legs.  
  
“There’s not much to the story. I got run over by a friend. It was an accident. We were goofing around and yeah, lesson learned.” Sehun taps his cast as he recounts his story, a reminder of the reason why he’s currently stuck in a living hell. Unable to do most things without extreme levels of difficult, he can’t wait till they’re removed and he’s back on his feet. He’ll never take his legs for granted again.  
  
“Were you guys drunk?”  
  
Sehun shakes his head. “Nope, no alcohol was involved. We were all sober.”  
  
“So did you get your reflexes checked out as well while you were in the hospital?” Kyungsoo asks with a blank expression on his face.  
  
Sehun holds an internal debate over whether he should reinstate the title of ‘Dick in Apartment 23.’ Before he has a chance to express his offense, Kyungsoo speaks again. “Where’s the camera?”  
  
“What camera?” Sehun asks with a frown. Speaking to Kyungsoo is like conversing in a different language. The guy swings back and forth like a pendulum between being extremely cryptic to being being extremely blunt and to the point. Sehun hasn’t quite grasped how to decipher the meaning behind the man’s question.  
  
“Rear Window,” Kyungsoo says as if that’s supposed to explain his previous remark. After observing Sehun’s confusion, Kyungsoo sighs and rolls his eyes. “The movie. Hitch _cock_?” he adds, getting up from his seat and making his way to the bookshelf.  
  
Sehun swears Kyungsoo had accentuated the last syllable on purpose.  
  
Kyungsoo walks over to Sehun with a DVD in his hand and shows Sehun the cover. “The neighbor breaks his leg and perves on the neighbors. It’s a pretty good movie, you should watch it. You can borrow my copy if you’d like. Maybe get some tips from it.”  
  
“I’m not spying on anyon—” Sehun is cut off by the chime of the doorbell before he can finish convincing his neighbor that he isn’t a peeping tom.  
  
“It’s probably the pizza, finally. Get that, will you? The money’s on the stand by the door.” Kyungsoo points to the spot in question.  
  
Sehun looks at the man in utter disbelief. He can’t be serious… right? Okay, he is treating Sehun to a free meal after all, it wouldn’t be that much of a request for Sehun to answer the door, even if he is bound to a wheelchair. Sehun pushes off towards the direction of the entranceway when he feels his chair being pulled back to a halt.  
  
“I was kidding! Gosh, did the car knock the sense of humor out of you, too?” Kyungsoo shakes his head and hurries to the door. He returns shortly with a large pizza in tow. “So, your share is like eleven bucks, but we can call it an even ten? We are neighbors, after all.”  
  
“B-but you said that it was going to be your treat!” Sehun splutters rather unattractively.  
  
Kyungsoo bursts into laughter as he sets the pizza down onto the coffee table. “You’re too easy, you know that?”  
  
“Oh, my god. And you’re annoying!” The words slip from Sehun’s mouth before he has a chance to turn on his filter and think through what he's going to say before he actually says it.  
  
“Oh, am I now?” There’s an expression on Kyungsoo’s face and it’s not one of annoyance, but of...amusement? Kyungsoo slides the pizza box toward himself and away from Sehun, as if to withhold the freshly baked pie as a form of punishment for Sehun’s previous insult.  
  
Not letting that stop him, Sehun reaches over, flips open the lid to the box, and lifts the first slice, pulling strings of melted cheese with it. He raises the piping hot dough to his lips, his mouth already drooling with saliva, and just as he's about to sink his teeth into the oozing cheese, there's a man attached to the crust of his pizza slice.  
  
“Mmm, yummy.” Kyungsoo smacks his lips noisily as he chews with his mouth wide open.  
  
Sehun blinks at the slice of pizza in his hands with a bite missing from it. “You couldn't have taken a slice for yourself? You had to eat _mine_ , really?”  
  
Kyungsoo shrugs with nonchalance. “Yours looked good.”  
  
“They're all the same!” Sehun shakes his head and drops the slice back into the box, grabbing a brand new, _unbitten_ , slice from the box. Before it makes it to Sehun's lips, Kyungsoo has already seized the opportunity to take yet another bite from the slice of pizza in Sehun's hands. “Do you mind?!”  
  
“What are you going to do about it? Kick me? Chase after me?” Kyungsoo challenges, knowing full well Sehun can't put up much of a fight, what with him being pretty much immobilized. His neighbor doesn't play fair and Sehun guesses he shouldn't either.  
  
Carrying out his plan at ninja speed, Sehun lifts the entire pie, bar the two slices Kyungsoo has marked, and runs his tongue over all the slices in one fluid motion. He doesn't even care he's burned the tip of his tongue in the process, it'll be worth it. Feeling mighty pleased with himself, he sets the pie back down into the box and shoots Kyungsoo a look, tilting back his head slightly as if to say, “Yeah, I just did that.”  
  
“I only eat two slices, I was going to let you finish the rest anyway,” Kyungsoo tells him, picking up the very first slice Sehun had grabbed, and takes a second bite from it.  
  
Sehun finds himself having to pick up his jaw from the floor with his tail in between his legs. They spend the next few minutes eating in silence, Sehun still trying to swallow the humiliation of his actions.  
  
“You're not much of a talker are you?” Kyungsoo asks just as Sehun has taken a huge bite from the last slice of pizza. It’s been awhile since Sehun has had any non-dehydrated food, what with the last fiasco that occurred with the delivery boy; he’s still upset he’s been blacklisted by his favorite Chinese takeout place.  
  
Sehun quickly chews the food in his mouth, self conscious, what with Kyungsoo's eyes focused intensely on him. “I don't talk much when I eat. You shouldn't either, I can see the food inside your mouth—it's disgusting.”  
  
“Let's play 'Twenty Questions',” Kyungsoo proposes, completely ignoring Sehun's remark about Kyungsoo's eating etiquette, or lack thereof. “How do you shower?” he starts before Sehun even agrees to the suggestion.  
  
Sehun swallows the half chewed pizza before responding, “Well, it kinda takes a pretty long tim—”  
  
“—What about sex?”  
  
Sehun chokes, the lump of dough getting caught in his windpipe. “Well, I’m not—”  
  
“—but does it still work? Your penis, I mean? Or did it also get broken when your friend mowed you down?”  
  
“I don’t think that’s any of your busin—”  
  
“—Do you have a cast on it? Can I _sign_ it?”  
  
Sehun blushes at the image of Kyungsoo taking a peek at his junk. Wait, no. Now's not the time to be feeling flattered that your neighbor wants to see your private parts. Not that Sehun would mind catching a glimpse of Kyungsoo's naked form, either. Sehun sneaks a glance at Kyungsoo and chides himself for finding the man so darn attractive. Even if it’s brought down a notch or two every time the guy opens his mouth.  
  
“So? Should I get a pen?” Kyungsoo shoots him a heart shaped grin, and if Sehun didn't know any better, he would've been fooled by the appearance of the man's innocent looking smile. As far as Sehun can discern, despite having only been acquainted with his neighbor for less than an hour, Kyungsoo is anything but pure.  
  
“My legs are the only injuries I sustained in the accident.” Sehun needs to nip the conversation in the bud before more inappropriate mental images creep into his mind.  
  
“That's a shame. It would've given you an excuse to not do any work. You can just lie there as someone rides you all night long.”  
  
Sehun chokes on his pizza for the second time. Kyungsoo is really making his life difficult for him. He doesn't even know if Kyungsoo is doing this on purpose, because he's just the kind of guy who likes to rile others, or if he's trying to _flirt_ with Sehun. Perhaps the latter is just wishful thinking on Sehun's part.  
  
“Easy there, Wheels. You’re pretty prone to accidents, aren’t you?” Kyungsoo scoots over the couch over to Sehun and gives him several thumps on the back. “I'll get you a glass of water.”  
  
Sehun coughs, trying to clear his airway. He can still sense the warmth of Kyungsoo's touch lingering on his back and he feels his heart flutter. Is Sehun developing a small crush on his neighbor? The Dick in Apartment 23? Really? In an attempt to distract himself from his feelings, Sehun takes another gander around the room. He notices a red plaid bag peeking out from under the couch. It's a small pouch and has numerous black pipes sticking out from it. Wait, is that a _bagpipe_? Is that the culprit behind the god awful racket that had offended Sehun's ears a week ago?  
  
Noticing Sehun staring at the instrument when he returns with two glasses of water, Kyungsoo pulls it from underneath the sofa. “I'm actually teaching myself how to play! It's my best friend’s birthday coming up soon and I wanted to surprise him by playing 'Happy Birthday' to him?”  
  
“That's nice of you.” So Kyungsoo could be pretty considerate, after all. Sometimes you just gotta peel back those layers like an onion. The thought of Kyungsoo taking the time to practice learning an instrument for his best friend is pretty admirable and the fluttering feeling returns.  
  
“I know right? He can't stand the sound of 'em. It's going to be great!” Kyungsoo guffaws, slapping his knee as if he’s just told the funniest joke ever.  
  
Sehun takes it back—Kyungsoo isn't an onion, he's just the Dick in Apartment 23.  
  
After they finish eating, Sehun offers to help clear the trash but Kyungsoo insists it isn’t necessary. “My legs are broken, not my arms and hands.”  
  
“My house, my rules,” Kyungsoo says, swatting away Sehun’s hands.  
  
Well, there’s really not much Sehun can say about that. The guest really ought to follow the host’s rules. After Kyungsoo disposes of the pizza box and loads the empty glasses into the dishwasher, they fall into a staring contest. Each gazing at the other, neither uttering a word.  
  
Sehun marvels over Kyungsoo’s handsome features, paying close attention to the soft pink of the man’s lips. Sehun dry swallows, his appreciation of Kyungsoo’s beauty transcends a purely objective observation. _Feelings_ are starting to form and he’s not quite sure how to process it. His eyes fall to the man’s mouth once again and Kyungsoo’s tongue darts out from between his lips, snapping Sehun out of his reverie. Sehun quickly looks away and clears his throat. “I guess I should get going, thanks for the meal.”  
  
“You’re welcome. Here, let me walk you, I mean, wheel you out.” Kyungsoo takes several steps towards him and his fingers curl around the push handle. He guides Sehun safely out into the corridor and in front of the adjacent door. “I’m Kyungsoo, by the way.”  
  
Sehun snorts at the fact that his neighbor is only now introducing himself, even though they have been hanging out for the past several hours. “I know.”  
  
“I knew it, you were creeping on me after all.”  
  
Sehun is about to point out that he learned Kyungsoo’s name from the mail mix up but judging from the smirk on Kyungsoo’s face, Sehun can tell that the other already knows. “I’m not falling for it this time.”  
  
“You’re learning,” Kyungsoo says with a smile that reaches his eyes.  
  
Sehun nods with pride.  
  
“Is that a pen or am I just excited to see you?” Kyungsoo points to the bulge in the lining of his pants pocket. At this point, it doesn’t even faze Sehun that Kyungsoo is the one to have made the joke himself. “May I?” he asks, retrieving the writing tool and popping the cap off.  
  
Okay, Sehun didn’t see that coming. He didn’t think that Kyungsoo would actually ask permission. Still the enigma, he muses. He nods his head, giving consent for Kyungsoo to sign his cast. Sehun watches Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knitting as he concentrates on writing the message, teeth appearing behind a grin once he’s finished.  
  
“See you around, Wheels.” Kyungsoo gives Sehun a small wave of the hand before making his way back to his own apartment. After Kyungsoo leaves, Sehun unlocks his door and enters his apartment. Wasting no time, he checks out the words written in black market on his right cast.  
  
_I bet you have nice legs, Wheels. You should show me once these things are off._  
  
Sehun smiles as he rereads the message, tracing his finger over the words his neighbor had written in neat cursive handwriting. It quickly vanishes when he hears the sound of Kyungsoo playing the bagpipes from the other side of the wall.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
So, Kyungsoo might still be the Dick in Apartment 23, but Sehun wouldn’t mind getting to know his neighbor a little better. And perhaps—if things go well—be introduced to the _actual_ Dick in Apartment 23.

  


**Author's Note:**

> a/n: comments make me happy face.  
> ❥ _[carpesoo.flavors.me](http://carpesoo.flavors.me/)_


End file.
